The Illusion of Control
Filed under: entrepreneurship, law of attraction, life lessons
We may not be able to control all things but time is on our side.
The Strained Friendship and a Conversation
Today I can’t help but meditate on control. I came upon this subject as a result of a conversation I had today with my Mother. I spent the day with my parents yesterday and wished my Father a Happy Father’s day.
As I was preparing to leave she asked me about a particular someone; we’ll call him D. At one time I worked with him and for a couple years we were very close friends–practically inseparable. That is until we had a falling out.
D was one of the first people to get through to me about the need to make changes in my life but he kept trying to motivate me with visions of dollar signs ($$). Like everyone else, I liked the idea of having more money but it didn’t create a fire in my belly. The true passion was missing from that particular goal.
This was hard for him to understand considering it was his sole belief that we exist to acquire money and material things; little if nothing more existed in his meaning of life scenario.
Even though our friendship had ignited something within me, I was not ready for the journey. This placed a lot of friction on a friendship which had enough ups and downs for reasons I won’t even go into here.
We ended up parting ways and for over 3 years he would avoid looking me in the face, refused to speak to me and withheld any form of respect until just weeks ago. I don’t mention these things to vent or even to lay blame. All of this was very painful for me (I shed a few tears while talking to Mom about it). My intent is to lay the foundation for something I’ve learned from it all.
The Take Away
D failed to understand that even with the best of intentions, you cannot control or pressure someone down a path they are not comfortable walking.
The same goes for you and the business you’ve been working so hard to build. There are hordes of people who are willing to perpetuate the lie of immediate wealth and happiness but it doesn’t work that way.
Believe me, I understand how you want so badly for everything to happen quickly and you feel like pushing things a little bit further will get you that much closer. But it doesn’t. From the word ‘Go’ you set a process into motion, the process of reshaping your life and it will not happen in the blink of an eye.
Its time to take a deep breath, relax and live within the process.
Digest it.
Learn from it.
And make continued decisions based on your experiences.
The illusion of control is this: We have the freedom to choose our path. Over these things we have control. But there is a process of learning which we cannot control. Sometimes the process will happen quickly, and other times years will pass.
When you don’t allow yourself the time to reveal in the process you ‘control’ yourself right off the path. Making hasty decisions which will carry you away from your dreams.
Let go of the reigns. You’ve told God (or the universe) what you want; let him guide you to it.
PS: After a few years, D has begun to come back around. This is why I was sheding a few tears. I was explaining that if there was one person I wanted to talk to before I leave Wal-Mart, it would be D. To say thank you. All of the frustrations and difficulties aside–only to say thank you.
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June 18th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
Hi Tim,
Great Post! Can tell these are gut deep observations!
May I post a couple thoughts that come to mind as I read this encouraging post?
Funny, not Ha Ha, Because we are stuck in what I will just call, “My Story”! This is really our Sub-Conscience that takes us down that sameO path every day. Then we wonder what keeps us in slavery, down on the Plantation of ‘Same Way Thinking’ and never get ahead!
We can spend a lot of time on how “My Story” came about, but just let me say that it developed thru ‘Filters’ of our culture, customs, parents, family, friends, co-workers and neighbors. And those Filters caused our sub conscience to protect us from being uncomfortable and that by the way it caused us to think!
When we learn something ‘New’, like D, we want to share it with those we love and even close friends. The problem is that regardless of how Great one would think that, that ‘New’ was, it most often creates that un-comfortability with in us and our thoughts run us away from any betterment of any kind
It usually takes a traumatic experience to force us into change, to begin with the way we think. It does take discipline to change that new way of thinking into actions that over time become normality and/or habits.
Now as such, I whole heartily concur with you on:
“D failed to understand that even with the best of intentions, you cannot control or pressure someone down a path they are not comfortable walking.”
YEP! Stop and smell the daisies! There is no Way we can influence anyone, especially a spouse, family or friends, unless we have first, allowed them to be a co-creator of the thought or concept themselves or have laid out a track record ourselves that they have come to respect.
Not being aware of how ‘My Story’ will … yes “’control’ ourselves right off the path.” Moreover, take us away from our dreams and back in that same ol’ rut!
What a blessing to have a dear friend back in the fold. I rejoice with you my friend!
Continue to be an encourager Tim! DP aka 1 http://www.wonpreacher.com